Wednesday, September 11, 2024

They say you become the average of the people you spend most of your time with. I am beyond blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life, and I get to call some of them my closest, best friends. Over the years, different situations and experiences have taught me what true friendship looks like and how to be a good friend.

A liberating thing about forming friendships is that they are a choice. After discovering similar interests, getting to know one another, sharing moments, forming trust, and everything that comes with making a friend, that person eventually chooses you, and you choose them back.

When we get older, we don’t outright ask, “Do you want to be my friend?” like little kids do. We choose our friends, and they choose us because there is an undeniable connection and closeness that doesn’t have to be stated but is obviously apparent through interactions. I feel spoiled—or maybe just lucky—because I believe I have the best friends.

Reasons why I love my friends

1. They Always Have My Back

It feels good to know that there are people in my contacts who, if I called at any time of day, would pick up the phone. I can count on them for anything. Whether I need help with moving, a project, or am going through something difficult, they always find a way to show up for me. Sometimes my friends show me they have my back by being protective of me. I will never forget something insanely stupid I did in college (one of the many things, but this one was extremely foolish) where I was in danger of expulsion and incarceration, and I also put my friends in danger of the same.

This is a story I will share with you at a much later time. I felt entirely responsible, so when the police arrived, I let them know it was 100% my fault and that whatever was to happen should fall solely on me. After convincing the officers, my best friend walked up to us and told them it was her fault too. My eyeballs almost fell out of my head; I couldn’t believe she would do that when the whole thing was about to be resolved, and she would have been free. When the officers left, she told me she wasn’t going to let me do this alone.

2. They Raise Me Up

There are people who claim to be your friends yet tear you down at any chance they get. These people are not your friends. When they say things that are hurtful but defend their sense of humor with sarcasm, it’s just mean. Blatantly saying negative things in response to your ideas or things you say is not cool. “You’ll never be able to do that. You’re too ___________.” Ignoring you or giving you the silent treatment when things aren’t going their way or when you’re not complying with them is petty and a huge sign that this person is not your friend.

I’ve learned that the best and happiest friendships are with people who support me and my dreams, who encourage me, uplift me, and hype me up at every chance they get. I have an awesome friend who will call me randomly to tell me how much he appreciates our friendship and rant about the good things he sees in me, which makes me feel so special.

True friends want to see you win and do well in your life. I remember someone I used to call a friend once tried to stop me from taking a really good opportunity that would open doors to a new stage in my life and help me accomplish a long-term goal of mine. Verbatim, she said the opportunity was unfair to her and that she felt robbed if I were to take it. I was always making excuses for this person’s poor behavior, but this time, my eyes were wide open. After reevaluating actions and interactions over 10 years of friendship, I decided it wasn’t right to continue being close with this person. The people I want to be close with are those who water my soil, not those who cut my branches down.

Best Practices For a Tryout Season

1. Prepare In Advance

One thing that perplexes me is when a parent asks me to train their kid a week before a tryout, especially when the player is less experienced in the game. In what world has one hour of practice changed anything about the overall result? It’s the accumulation of multiple one-hour training sessions over time that builds skills and leads to improvement (check out a great book I recommend called Pound the Stone by Joshua Medcalf). If I’m a consistent C-grade math student and I have a test coming up, do you think studying for one hour will suddenly get me an A on the final? Anyone in their right mind would say, “No way, Coach! I need more time and practice.” It’s the same thing with a tryout. It’s like studying for a final, and it should be treated as such.