CHOOSING THE RIGHT FRIENDS

They say you become the average of the people you spend most of your time with. I am beyond blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life, and I get to call some of them my closest, best friends. Over the years, different situations and experiences have taught me what true friendship looks like and how to be a good friend.

A liberating thing about forming friendships is that they are a choice. After discovering similar interests, getting to know one another, sharing moments, forming trust, and everything that comes with making a friend, that person eventually chooses you, and you choose them back.

When we get older, we don’t outright ask, “Do you want to be my friend?” like little kids do. We choose our friends, and they choose us because there is an undeniable connection and closeness that doesn’t have to be stated but is obviously apparent through interactions. I feel spoiled—or maybe just lucky—because I believe I have the best friends.

Reasons why I love my friends

1. They Always Have My Back

It feels good to know that there are people in my contacts who, if I called at any time of day, would pick up the phone. I can count on them for anything. Whether I need help with moving, a project, or am going through something difficult, they always find a way to show up for me. Sometimes my friends show me they have my back by being protective of me. I will never forget something insanely stupid I did in college (one of the many things, but this one was extremely foolish) where I was in danger of expulsion and incarceration, and I also put my friends in danger of the same.

This is a story I will share with you at a much later time. I felt entirely responsible, so when the police arrived, I let them know it was 100% my fault and that whatever was to happen should fall solely on me. After convincing the officers, my best friend walked up to us and told them it was her fault too. My eyeballs almost fell out of my head; I couldn’t believe she would do that when the whole thing was about to be resolved, and she would have been free. When the officers left, she told me she wasn’t going to let me do this alone.

2. They Raise Me Up

There are people who claim to be your friends yet tear you down at any chance they get. These people are not your friends. When they say things that are hurtful but defend their sense of humor with sarcasm, it’s just mean. Blatantly saying negative things in response to your ideas or things you say is not cool. “You’ll never be able to do that. You’re too ___________.” Ignoring you or giving you the silent treatment when things aren’t going their way or when you’re not complying with them is petty and a huge sign that this person is not your friend.

I’ve learned that the best and happiest friendships are with people who support me and my dreams, who encourage me, uplift me, and hype me up at every chance they get. I have an awesome friend who will call me randomly to tell me how much he appreciates our friendship and rant about the good things he sees in me, which makes me feel so special.

True friends want to see you win and do well in your life. I remember someone I used to call a friend once tried to stop me from taking a really good opportunity that would open doors to a new stage in my life and help me accomplish a long-term goal of mine. Verbatim, she said the opportunity was unfair to her and that she felt robbed if I were to take it. I was always making excuses for this person’s poor behavior, but this time, my eyes were wide open. After reevaluating actions and interactions over 10 years of friendship, I decided it wasn’t right to continue being close with this person. The people I want to be close with are those who water my soil, not those who cut my branches down.

3. We Laugh Uncontrollably

It’s so vital to have friendships that are fun and carefree. Everyone is so unreasonably serious about life. What a drag. I love when I get together with my friends because we never neglect to enjoy ourselves, tell stories, and make jokes out of everything.

My best friend turned 30 recently and had people get together to celebrate her. This trip was my favorite of 2022 so far. We didn’t do anything extravagant or expensive. We stayed in a house and literally laughed all weekend long. The plane ride to the party was actually the most memorable moment. I was sitting with two of my friends, and we had such a good time on the flight that either the people sitting around us wanted to join in the laughter or wanted to push us out of the plane. We’re pretty funny, so I think it was probably the first one. One of my friends was telling us an embarrassing story that happened to her at work earlier that week about some toilet issues. So, you can imagine where that went. We absolutely lost it. We were hysterical. I laughed and cried so hard at the same time that my abs were sore. The two-hour flight felt like 10 minutes.

4. They Are Open to a Call-Up (My Way of Saying "Call Out")

An old book says, “Iron sharpens iron as one man sharpens another.” If you are afraid to challenge your friends because of how they might respond, they are not your friends. If you are not open to your friends' challenges, then you are weak, unsure of yourself, and unconfident. You have some work to do if you feel threatened, angered, or scared by challenges from people who know you and care about you.

Friends are there to make you a better version of yourself. I have learned so many lessons directly and indirectly from my friends. I’ve become more empathetic, more considerate, more organized, smarter, and more physically fit because of the wisdom and challenges my friends have offered me. I also know that if I see my friends not living in their true power, I let them know with both firmness and kindness. I want them to win and to celebrate their successes.

I remember I had a friend/business partner who had a great work ethic, but I felt that both of us could work together to be even more productive and make the best use of our time with our million things on our to-do list. So I posed the challenge: “There are 24 hours in a day. Science says we only need 8 hours to sleep. That means there are 16 hours left. I feel like we can give even more, so let’s do it.” Immediately, she took that as a personal attack on her work ethic and abilities. By the way, I wasn’t the first to say that. Lots of my internet business role models say the same thing, and I’ve been challenged by the same idea from others.

I started changing my schedule and my actions to do more for the business, including my own personal development. I was inspired to conquer the world with my partner, but evidently, she saw my challenge as an insult or threat. I can think of 10 people right now, no hesitation, who, if I said the same exact words, would rise to the challenge, and we’d work together in accountability. The best friends are those open to any sign of growth for you, them, and the relationship itself.

5. They Are Givers

We all came into this world without anything, and depending on where you live, you were immediately given caretakers, rights, freedoms, food, clothing, care, and shelter. One thing I appreciate about my friends is their genuineness in their giving. I’ve been housed, fed, and clothed by my friends when I passed by and stayed for a period of time. When they come to visit me, they also know they are taken care of. True friends are excited and willing to lend a helping hand or do something for you. They don’t keep score or records of things they have done for you.

6. They Are Honest Regardless of the Outcome

Real friends mean what they say and say what they mean. They are true to their word. They follow through and keep their promises. They wear one face and share that face with all people. They are also honest in a way that they feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and feelings about you or your life.

My closest friends are not shy to let me know when I can do something better. They tell me firmly but with kindness. When I’m slacking on maintaining my health and fitness, they will keep me in check. Or when I’m irresponsible or in the wrong in a situation, they will let me know. If there’s something to be said, they will say it. I appreciate their honesty because I know they are doing it from a place of genuine love and care.

Real friends will tell you things that you may not like or that may hurt your feelings, but they are not there to make you feel badly on purpose. People sometimes lie to avoid hurting others' feelings or to keep the peace in the relationship. It creates a false sense of trust and allows room for bigger lies, making lying easier. You don’t have anything real there.

All in all, I’m incredibly grateful for the friends I have in my life. We all go through different phases, which may bring us different people along our journey. Some of those people will form unbreakable bonds with us, become our friends, and change our lives forever. I hope you have friends who are kind, funny, loving, intelligent, honest, reliable, open to challenges, encouraging, and all the good things you would want in a friend. If you are the average of the closest people to you, then think about what kind of person you would like