THE VALUE OF HARD WORK

“It will be interesting to see how this season turns out,” as I mumbled exasperatedly after a 9-1 loss in a high school season opener. I shuffled my feet to the car after a 12 hour work day reflecting on the disaster I witnessed disguised as a soccer game. Working a 12 hour work day and losing 9-1 were both familiar to me. However, both events occurring on the same day were new to me. What a freaking day.

Going into warm up, I knew this was not going to be a walk in a park. We had an attendance of maybe 8-10 players for about two weeks of practice. We are a very beginner high school aged soccer team. Not one player on this team plays club ball. Maybe 25% of our team has played soccer before and knows the rules. Maybe 25% of our team has true athletic ability. I mean the ability to run fast, change direction on a dime, read plays and anticipate opportunities in the game, create opportunities in the game, jump, be strong, have coordination, and basic things that make the difference between a regular person and an athletic person. So, you think with these conditions we would be more motivated to improve but I think part of us didn’t realize the competition and the depth of the skills and tactical minds needed to be successful in this game.

As we are warming up, I hear our girls chat about how excited they are and that they are going to win. I continue to let them talk and think about their desires. Who am I to crush their dreams? The game ahead of us was going to do enough of that for them. I had been furious with them about their lack of effort and negligence in the last few weeks. On the day of the game, we had players scramble to finish paperwork to be cleared for the game. After they were already told to complete it for about two weeks. A few days before the game, I had a strong urge to reschedule the game and run the crap out of them for their irresponsibility. But, I thought it would be a good lesson to let them play the game and feel the pains of indiscipline. That one hurts more than any physical punishment. As harsh as it sounds, days before the game I wanted them to get their butts kicked and I’ll tell you why later on.

The whistle blew and the first goal came shortly after. I made adjustments. More goals came. I made adjustments. We got a breakaway! We lost the ball. More goals came. We got another breakaway! We scored! At half time it was 6-1. The goals against us were not extraordinary. They were simple mistakes that we made on set pieces and that our goalkeeper made in general because those players were not at practice. (Our goal was exciting and scored on a breakaway by one of our most inexperienced players.) 

At half time, despite their despondent looks, I asked my players how they felt about the first half anyway. They were mostly silent and some mumbled a few words. They looked like they wanted to dig a hole and bury themselves in it. I did not want them to feel badly about the game or their performance. We still had another half to play. I gave them some very basic tactical concepts and went over defending situations. This would stop the bleeding temporarily but something bigger outside of soccer was to be talked about. 

I challenged them with the idea of focusing on the things they can control within themselves. 

I went on to say, “Listen. I know you are discouraged right now. I can see it in your faces. I can feel it around us. The good news is: with adversity comes opportunity. You can find opportunity in anything if you choose to look. I don’t care about winning or losing today. Most of this season, I won’t care about winning or losing. This opportunity you have right now, in front of you, is bigger than the score. The great thing about what is happening right now is you have an opportunity to grow yourself individually. No one is going to come save you. No one is going to go back in time and start the game over or get the referee to change the score. So you have two options here: 1. You can sit there, feel sorry for yourself and wish your circumstances were better. You can do nothing. Or 2. You can get your asses up, take those sad faces off, walk with your head held high, and with your chest out like you are somebody in this world, because you are.” 

Things in life are going to happen. There are things that you will not ever be able to control. You cannot control the referee’s decision. You cannot control the opponent. You cannot control your teammates. What you can control is everything that is inside of you-your will, your desire, your effort, and your wants.

“When things happen that are out of your control, what matters most is how you respond to them. So, you can give up and we might as well go home now if you’re going to do that. Or you can make something of yourself on this field today by going deep within yourself and pulling out something you’ve never pulled out before. This game isn’t for me. I had my time. It was fun and I learned a lot. And I hope you girls can experience that in this season. This is about you. This is for you. The choice is yours. Do this for yourself.”

During preseason, I told the girls to expect pain and suffering during conditioning. I didn’t think our first game would be a total reflection of that. I let them know straight up, “You will be pushed on this field. You will be challenged in ways you could have never imagined by playing this sport. You will become a better person because of this game.” The worst feeling is walking away from something you knew you did not give your absolute best effort in when you said you were committed to it. Making a commitment to something is a promise. Whenever you break a promise, you show yourself as a person who is unreliable. If you cannot rely on yourself, you have a weak relationship with yourself and you will struggle with any task in your life. Keeping your word is an honorable trait that builds discipline over time, builds trust, which eventually leads to building confidence in yourself. The word confidence literally means to have trust in something. My girls accepted the position of a high school soccer player, signed papers, and paid a school fee. On paper they were committed to a high school season however mentally, they were checked out and the season barely started. 

Know that things are not going to come easy for you when you are crafting a skill and your performance is based on that skill. My girls thought they were going to win after not showing up to practice and not being ready mentally to play by finalizing their paperwork just a few hours away from kickoff. Time and repetition are your best friends when it comes to practice. Practicing is so important and so underrated.  Many players stay stuck at the same mediocre level because they undermine the importance of practice. Remember earlier when I said it was harsh for me to hope our team gets a royal ass whooping in our first match? I would never tell them that but I don’t take any of that back. I wanted them to understand the value of working hard to accomplish something and that consistent efforts can improve them daily. I did not want this game to come easy to them because if they never show up to practice but win games, how would they ever know what it takes to overcome, battle, and win in other events in their lives? The reason why people are so soft, weak, insecure, and just plain crybabies and complainers about everything in their lives is because they accomplished little levels of difficulty in their lives and most things came easy for them. These are the same people who live a very average, unfulfilled life, are stuck in a dried up relationship and lame job they can’t stand to be at, and who are unsatisfied with everything and everyone. “Small” lessons like this high school game will go a long way for these players. They will be people again soon. The game is here to teach us lessons and it is rewarding when we learn. 

At the end of the game, I told the girls I was very proud of them for not giving up and fighting harder than they did in the first half. It was impressive because I knew they were tired but it looked like they got a second wave of energy. I told them I’m here to encourage them, support them, teach them, and guide them along the way. But, it is up to them as to how much they want out of the season. The more they put in, the more they will get out. I briefly asked them if they understood the value of showing up to practice. I believe they got the point.

Fast forward, it is the end of the season and I am happy to say that we won a few games…